My Vending Machines Adventures

People the world over, regardless of race, color, or creed, share a common bond; we all love stuff to be convenient and free from any sort of hard work. This is why fast food restaurants and remote controlled devices are so popular. It has become so bad, we don’t even have to get out of our cars to order food, and if we lose the remote, well, we just watch whatever is on the current channel.

This may be a big reason why vending machines play a big part in our lives. Why go to the horrendous effort of preparing a sandwich for work when we can just nip down to the cafeteria and snag something out of the machine? We would sooner have a lunch comprised of a chocolate bar, a pack of fruit gums and a warm coke, than a delicious sandwich with fresh, organic ingredients, and it’s amazing the personal pain and suffering we will put ourselves through to achieve this.

For me, that all started when those hot coffee machines were first introduced. I’ve always had a love affair with caffeine, and those beautiful machines meant that I could get my fix just about anywhere. Unfortunately, it also meant losing layers of skin as that piping hot java squirted out one more time, just as I was reaching in to retrieve my cup. The first soda machines were also out then, but didn’t have the benefit of the modern, clear glass fronted models of today. The sold out buttons were either always broken, or refused to light up until your money was in and soda choice made. Many’s the time I’ve found all my choices completely out, meaning I am left with the only beverage still in stock; a dandelion and burdock fruit smoothie with a twist of badger.

You have to wonder if the whole vending machine industry was built by some crazed mental person with a desire to watch us suffer. Who else would set the glass at a distance from the wares on display, just wide enough for a bag of chips to get lodged on the way down? Who else would have cans of soda placed 6 feet above their landing spot, meaning they have to reach terminal velocity before hitting the dispenser drawer? A can of aerated soda simply cannot make that sort of drop without eventually exploding in your face when you pull the tab.

Sure, the newer machines are much more sophisticated, and have actually solved many of the frustrating issues inherent in their predecessors, but they have maintained the one thing that has been a constant over the years. No matter how new, how shiny, how full of yummy goodness those new machines may appear, it seems they still get the munchies and decide to ingest our coins with no intention of ever giving them back, or the product we ordered. My advice is simple if you want to avoid any or all of these mishaps; make yourself a sandwich.